Friday, April 23, 2010

The Toilet Seat Trick

The obvious, concrete example of the influence thing is the toilet seat thing. I grew up in a house of all men and one woman, mom, who never suggested that we put the toilet seat down after. So when The Wife suggested it I was like, Huh? I've never done that. It doesn't make any sense. It's more efficient for everyone all around if we set the toilet seat to the state we need it as we need it. Just-In-Time toilet seat positioning.

Of course, that was my inner asshole talking. The Gottman book mentioned the toilet seat thing as a very specific example of how a husband can fail to let his wife influence him. It takes no time and earns you kudos. Why wouldn't you do it?

So I tried.

And guess what? It's hard. I have real trouble remembering to do it. Learning a new habit after 40 years doesn't come easy.

My solution? Take one of the kids crayons or dry-erase markers, and write on the underside of the toilet lids, "DOWN." Now I've got a reminder in my face - so easy to remember, in fact, that The Wife didn't even know I had done it for a week. (And when she did find out, she thought it was cute, like, Awww, he's really trying.)

After a while, the cleaning lady erased it. And then, longer still, the habit came back. One day, after I'd noticed The Wife's snippiness factor increasing, I wondered - have I been remembering the toilet seat? And, after checking: no. No I had not.

Time to write on them again. In fact, think I'll double-check them right now.

1 comment:

  1. My solution to this was to learn to put the lid down. That is how you train your wife to look before she sits.

    http://sexwiththewife.blogspot.com/2010/01/treatise-on-toilet.html

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